So what is it like? I remember my parents dropping me off at college and my Mom softly crying when they drove away. I was only a three-hour drive from home, and even though I didn’t own a car I could always bum a ride from someone traveling up the highway. Then when I dropped my oldest off he was so homesick, before I even left campus, that it made me extremely sad to leave. He was a five-hour flight away from home. I can feel that separation anxiety and my rapid heartbeat to this day. Now, 10 years later, I am still an empty nester with no boomerang children and now life feels settled!
A myriad of feelings can surface up. To name a few….acceptance, anticipation, dread, fear, excitement, wonder, sadness. These feelings you’re having lead to specific needs that need to be met during this time. Appreciation, recognition, respect, connection, inclusion, freedom, choice, support, belonging, caring.
Emotions
So many emotions can go through our heads when our children get older and leave home. For some, it has been a long time coming (you thought they’d never leave) so there is a sense of relief. Another feeling is acceptance (that’s what I experienced personally), meaning that it’s the necessary and logical step for our children to move on and build their own life. For some, it’s a great fear. That fear can stem from not knowing what to do with yourself and the extra time that was once spent with your children. For others it is the quiet under their roof…so much solitude can be suffocating. Another factor is that now it is only you and your partner at the dinner table and on the weekends.
Changing Relationships
Changing relationships is a large part of being an empty nester.
Cooking, dishes and laundry
Your relationship with your children will change forever. I am so happy when one or all my children come home! It is different though! Your children come home from college or a job and want to go out, stay out, eat what they want, when they want and basically run their life as they’re accustomed. They’re reluctant to follow your rules to a tee anymore. How do you handle that? Years down the road they’ll be busy with their own life and family. How will you fit into that?
The quiet dinner table
Your relationship with your spouse or partner changes too. Sometimes for the better and sometimes not. There can be an awkward silence and distance or you can be celebrating your peace and quiet and privacy in every room of the house without worry of someone walking in.
Now What?
There is often a feeling of emptiness when this huge phase of our lives comes to a close. Nostalgia can set in and paralyze you with sadness and doubt.
You’ve all seen the couple at dinner that aren’t talking to each other. There could be many reasons for that which I won’t go into, but if this is you if it is because all you talked about before was the kids then you need to ask what could bring interest and topics into your life for sharing conversation.
Possibilities await.
More free time? More time for friends, relaxation, time with a partner, exercise, cooking, reading, community work and even working. Think of your life in 1, 3, 5, 10 years. What do you want in your life? Who do you want in your life? Where are you living? How do you spend your time? What’s your health like?
